She tries to kill herself on the road outside the Bradgate Mental Health Unit -a near miss

Apparently, with regards to J's risk, the revised care plan is meaningless. Repeatedly the doctors have asserted that J is free to leave the ward and that they will not stop her, but by doing so she is walking away from agreed treatment. J was frantic to leave yesterday, with the intention of getting to the main road to kill herself. The nurses wouldn't allow her to leave without talking to a doctor (which is appropriate and routine). We talked to a (junior) doctor but since the arrangement he described wasn't making sense it was agreed that the main doctor in charge J's care be called to the ward. Again this doctor asserted that J was in hospital and receiving care by choice but that by leaving she'd be walking away from care, and would not be stopped, but she also suggested that maybe J would like a walk or even leave to go home with perhaps the bed being retained (this is new). J has told the staff what she intends to do once she leaves the hospital, that she intends to go to the road and throw herself in traffic. She is wearing slippers and a seclusion gown, she even explains where her money is in her room to pay for the seclusion gown should she be killed wearing it. She asks to leave and they open a door for her. Dr D says something about going for a walk, but J is already walking at a pace down the corridor (sometimes she can't run due to an unsteadiness on feet, she had already fallen forward in the morning whilst trying to leave). We essentially give slow chase. Dr D is a few steps behind her and talking to her. I think at some point the junior doctor was told to ring the police. J gets near the road and we ask her to come back to the ward. We start to physically struggle with her. a couple of nurses who were nearby (perhaps on a break) come to help. We stand around her preventing access to the road. One wonders why the doctor is there at all, so willing was she for J not to be stopped.  J is pushing against us and pleading. Eventually the police arrive and we are driven the long way around back to reception where J, totally exhausted, waits for a wheelchair to take her back to the ward.  The police are trying to discuss something with the doctor, they are clearly not happy with something, I hear a phrase like "managed differently". 

Today doctors and staff had a meeting with Jo, to which I was not present, but of many of the strange things said was that J put staff in danger and that Dr D was to be having a meeting with police to tell them not to respond or to treat J is if she was wasting police time if called when she is in crisis. They also seem to believe that I was considering legal action, I think I remember saying to the junior doctor that I would take legal action, but that there'd be not point because by then J would be dead. It's hard to focus on the positives of her treatment when I know she has been told off for being suicidal.  J gets on well with the nurses on this ward and I get the impression that this doctor must have positive results otherwise why would she be so insistent on limiting the use of Sections (where a patient is held on the ward for their own safety). Again we have a sense that J is somehow supposed to just "get over" her suicidal feelings, or correct some sort of impulsiveness.  I'm a bit numb and confused. For me the whole near-miss illustrated the difficulty I am having with this approach. 

Whilst pushing J back, traffic behind me, the doctor had asked me to return to reception to check on whether or not the police were coming. Despite unsteadiness J is strong, but I'm stocky with good legs.  The couple of female nurses weight for weight may not have been able to hold her back from a sudden surge to the road. Also I know that J hates the idea of me being there when she kills herself. I refuse and lend Dr D my phone. The really odd thing is that this all feels scary but routine for me, even if catastrophic things occur I know that life will be worse for me later if I hadn't been there, if only to be a witness. In a way I'm grateful that other people are seeing it. I think that I'm hoping somehow that this explains our position better. In the back of my mind I consider knocking Jo's legs from under her because once she's on the floor she might be safer, but the struggle itself is partly based on being a cushion if she falls, minimising injuries, maintaining her dignity. Technically we were off hospital property at this point. Maybe I'm thinking, is this part of the therapy? Does it help J to get so close to death to have some sort of epiphany?  No, this was a mistake.  They had screwed up, but still today, J is told that she has mental capacity and that her actions risked others (irony like some patients: those professionals were involved were there "voluntarily"). It's hard to know what's real and what is a type of psychological gamble on the part of the doctors. 

I'm hoping to include a paragraph from J's point of view once she has given me permission to use it here.